Hope Resurrected

The last three weeks of training, and life in general have been very rocky emotionally, spiritually and physically. Most people aren't aware that I have struggled with depression and chronic sleep disorder since adolescence. During the lowest periods, I try to tell myself I'll be okay, when I know I won't. My education suffers, work suffers, running suffers; but the most unfortunate victim is my sweet wife, who becomes a mother of three, instead of two. I am forever grateful for her patience and unyielding Christlike courage, which inspires me to face my demons, not run from them. I often feel the Lord's hand touch me through her love and constant faithfulness.

On February 8, after a series of fabulous workouts, "it" hit hard, without warning. I just didn't feel like running, eating, hydrating, or much of anything for that matter. My head hurt and my body ached. I didn't run for two weeks and I became anxious and paranoid that I was suffering from Rhabdomyolosis, an injury I contracted during my freshman year at BYU-Hawaii. Getting in and out of bed (my other paranoia) has always been a constant struggle, but during depression episodes, it seems to compound the problem.

Although life seems unbearable during the "low" periods of life, when I awake from my depressive sleep, I realize I've learned more about God's love for me, and my love for Him. He loves me! He is mindful of my situation and blesses me according to my faith to overcome. Again, I am reminded that I have overcome the battle, yet the war rages on. Peaceful relief comes over me and I feel as if I have finished the last mile of a long and painful workout; I'm happy I overcame the trial, but I thank God it's over! That's where I stand today, happy I overcame the battle; yet, I thank God it's over! Blessed horizons and familiar sunsets await! Until next time!